No Rain

Christmas passed, but better late than never?

Don’t get me wrong, I like my job.  However, days when the lake effect is affecting everything and my morning starts fasting, no coffee, no food at 6 am driving without seeing my lane…it’s a bit much.  Then delay lunch until 2 pm – a cup of coffee guzzled hovering at the bench, two granola bars wolfed at my desk to tide me over.  I guess you can’t say I don’t work hard – I do.  My mind is adrift however, fixated on things I probably shouldn’t be fixated on.  But it doesn’t serve as too big a distraction, so I don’t worry.  I can multitask, hands moving, music blaring, singing, lost in my thoughts.  Less than a week to go until something good happens again:  the holiday bustle.  I’m near giddy, if I thought I could ever really be that way.

Somewhere my brain is stuck on the feeling of being 19.  Everything is new, everything is exciting.  But maybe, just maybe, I’ll actually learn something this time.  I can sometimes imagine myself on the back roads, Fiero flying, CD player blasting, on the way to Clark’s gym – never mind Hillary coming to town.  I settle down into the music of Dave Matthews, Blind Melon, jokes about mouth pipetting and PCR machines, and I’m working with radioactivity without having been formally trained; what a thrill.  I play music with obscene lyrics – I didn’t know; we laugh.  He sometimes says, “my life is a lie” in joke response.  I now wonder if there was some truth here.  But dwelling in the past is not the place for me now. 

There is a present and a future, which was so unexpected once.